The answer is neither.
I guess the real reason as to why I went crazy and so high was because I needed to let it all out. The stress has been killing me for the past few months. I just needed to let go. Drinking and smoking is a big no no for me and I've decided to stop shedding tears over something so small. So, I guess dancing/singing is the only way out for me. At least it beats being suicidal or losing my sanity. If this is the way to forget, to heal and to smile... Then so be it. I would rather keep my sanity.
When the songs I needed to hear played, I had to stop myself from breaking down. So, I just started putting my heart into screaming those songs out. I can't do the crying anymore. No, I need to face it and not break. I won't be fragile any longer.
Sigh, I've got so many entries like this. All writing about the same thing but in the end, I can't even do anything about it. Tried so many things just to make it work and yet...
I can't even face them without thinking about the past. I can't even look in your eyes without falling apart inside. I grit my teeth and try my best but it is never good enough and I don't even know why! Am I really that emotionally unstable?
I wonder if tomorrow will be different.
Will I move forward or will I sink again?
Nobody knows. I just gotta keep my head held high. And although last night, has made my heart feel lighter, I'm not sure if I can keep going on. But, I gotta try. I got to.
Why can't it be that way it was? Cause you were my homie, lover, and friend
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