Love's a game. And we're all just victims of love.






In this world, there is probably no such thing as a fairytale romance like those in idol dramas. Maybe there is, but the question is... Will it last?

Lately, I've been going through some hard times and I know my other friends have been too. All of us, affected by what we define to be love. Our relationships which came crumbling down on us despite everything we've put in. We sacrificed so much just for it to last but somehow... It just isn't enough.

Even in the strongest of all relationships, there will be problems and sometimes, our hearts might get broken.

Nobody is completely free. Everybody who experiences love will experience it.



It will take time to heal.
But what doesn't kill us, writes our song...
It only makes us stronger at the end of the day.
It only makes us better people.




P.s
This post is dedicated to you cousin H.
*hug* I'm so sorry. ):

why?!



just fuck this world.

Watch my heart break into pieces.
Watch it mend itself again.


When will this cycle ever end?






It's holidays baby. You know what this means?
It's June. I can't believe it.
Time really flies doesn't it?







Photos for you.

act cute in class. btw, the thing on my head belongs to brainless. (:



that's bff, Pan Zi & Serene. Afiq is the guy in stripes. He saw that I was taking photos with my webcam already.
BFF is damn cute right? :D

BFF, Serene & I.

This was our maths group on Friday together with Alberto & Afiq. (:
This group is awesome because of Pan Zi & Albert who are equally good in Maths. :D


I spent almost the entire Friday hugging Pan Zi. During presentation, can still hug! ^^
She's extremely cute, like some sort of doll that I want to kidnap and bring home.

I sound like a paedophile.
Imagine, she's only a friend. If my daughter were like her, I think I'll be higher than ever.

Doesn't this remind you of secondary twooooooooo?






Btw, the Great Singapore Sale has started. Are you feeling as good as I am?
I've already got my eye on two dresses. I've got my eye on leggings too (mainly because there is hole in my leggings)
I know I'm broke but I just cannot help it.



Oh. Good news. I met Jun Long! :D
This one is coincidence. We live just 9 blocks apart and we actually met at Gombak mrt on Saturday.
When the train passed, we instantly recognised eachother.
I was travelling towards IMM & he was going to JP for work.
Therefore we had a short chat & yeah, he's really happy for me because I made it to RP.

In case you're confused, Jun Long & I used to work together at Isetan. I remember that he always used to hang out with me even though I was a year younger. He doesn't like hanging around people our age and he doesn't really like the rest. I'm just one of those few.
He's from Unity Sec & I'm from Kranji Sec.
He failed EL. I failed Maths & Sci.
He's really awesome!
Really, I swear. We're fated to be friends. 8D
Anyway, he is in NYP & I'm in RP. Cool right?
And he's so happy that I managed to score a B4 for my maths now! :D


Yeah, I miss him. I also miss the rest of them, so don't just assume anything.

I'm suffering from the same old symptoms.
Is it just me or are you suffering too?
Do you like it, because I know I do....


(:

I've got new glasses. Love it. (:
It's like my old goggles except it's much cuter because I don't look as geeky as I used to.
Ummm. Duh, because previously... I used to wear braces and I looked horrible then.

Anyway...........

If you haven't already realised, I've starting using more vulgarities than usual. Something must be wrong with me because I'm usually not that vulgar. I need to stop before it becomes a habit.

Strangely, I actually asked beng to teach me some hokkien words.


Seriously, what is wrong with me?


I zoned out way too many times this week.
Then, I met Mr. Irrinoying. (I seem to bump into him almost everyday.)
Then, last weekend, the vase decided to fall. If I wasn't sitting down, then I would have died.
Now the flowers are gone. )):


Oh well, there are other things to be happy about. Like for example, UT is over. Well, not. UGHHHHHHHH! We have cognitive retest because of the stupid technical errors! ):
That's so unfortunate for us isn't it?
Must have been because of Gilbert. D:


Okay. So maybe not, but I'm still happy about other things. (:
Like how Xiao Jie found her wallet & how Nikki managed to find her phone. :D
&& how I managed to find my adapter too. HAHA.


I know that the kranji people won't know who is who. So, I'll webcam with them once school reopens so you know! :D



i miss the midgets & savanca. ):

Holidays already!!!!! Camp's on Tuesday.

What did I do?
I just sat there, shut the fuck up and you shouted at me?!
Fuck. I never did anything wrong and I havent even been home the past few days to have any healthy interaction with the rest of you and bloody hell. This is what I fucking get?!


CCB.
This is why I hate going home.

I can't wait for camp. 3 days of freedom.


Fuck. Tmr got some CCC thingy with parents.
CCB.
I never say I want them to go. Don't assume. I said I want you to come instead of him. Not the same as YOU must go..
They write HOPE. Not the same as MUST.
English fail is it? Oh wait, I forgot. They did fail their English.



Not my fault la.
I take one look at the dumb shit letter and I know it's pointless.
CCB.




Irritating sia.


):

Dear broken heart,
Was this the path that we always wanted to go? Because right now I feel so lost.


My nightmare isn't over at all.
I saw some of them, tried being friendly and all but sometimes I'm so stupid because I just can't do it.

Then on Monday night, I saw Saiful. A lot of wonderful childhood memories came flooding back to me. I wanted to say Hi but I was too shy and we all know that I definitely won't ask him how he's doing. Instead I'll ask about someone else. (I saw his mom the other day.)
HAHA. They're bffs. What can I do?
Gawd. I miss them. I really do.


Then, met Zane, who happens to be Hanis' friend. Cool right? Haha.
Zane from my primary school. That one.



Sigh, meeting the class on Friday because of ZX. No money for his bday present because I'm buying Nigel & Pan Zi's cake first.


Btw. Kelvin & Pan Zi are my bff...

Tell me little dolly, why are you so scared?

Guess I'm over it.
Thank you.






I'm thinking of moving back to LJ.
I want. I need.
Privacy.


I'll post my occasional rubbish here though.

Do you think I'll make it out of this 22nd alive?

School. School. School.


Rubbish = rubbish.


Cheer training tomorrow. Fuck. Lazy. Shit. UT.
Heard that I must do a lot of pumpings and everything. Confirm my fat ass cannot take it. ):
Stretching, cardio, crunches. Tones up my body. Within weeks, I'll look good in a bikini.


There's school tmr. It's like midnight already.
Go to sleep?
Nah, I can't. Something is keeping me awake.
Not nightmares. -.-'''
Definitely not from Elm Street. Haha.


Anyway, I've got good news for myself. (:
Which also means bad news for myself because I'll be stuck with uhh... Ahem. Yeah. The class knows.


UT tmr. Not studying.
Seniors said nothing to study, so not studying. :D
Haha. :D

The hugest argument a week ago. ):
And that's when it all began...
If only it had not happened.



I'm sitting at home bored and everything because I pon school today. Listening to all the painfully beautiful songs playing on the blog as I stare at my computer screen and keyboard.

And thus, I continue to emo. ):




Don't want to go to school because I was late. Don't want to leave my house cause it will trigger back all those memories.

I'm too tired and too sick of entertaining all of them thoughts. If this goes on, I'll probably die of exhaustion.

I'm like those kids from Nightmare on Elm Street. Except, I'm not terrified of Freddy. I'm terrified of you. Funny, you won't kill me in my sleep but... You'll.... You'll scare everything out of me.



Sigh. Leaving for town at around 1pm. Slack, eat & then head off to meet Val(maybe). And maybe go to JP.


My hair's been having bad hair days all week. ):
Funny roots. Funny hair.
I think I need to get clarifying shampoo because of my roots. ):
No purple hair anytime soon. ):




Anyway, my eye candy is in school today & I'm not. Arghhh. Nvm. Nvm.
There's always tmr, Wednesday & the rest of the stupid week.
Anyway, hope I don't meet him on the streets today.

Fourth week of school is over and done with.


There's around 12 weeks until semester break and 2 weeks until the short vacation. Oh how fast time seems to fly. I never thought that poly life would fly this fast. I still cannot decide if it's good or bad because there's too many things to think about. Like, my eyecandy etc.




Anyway, in case you wanted to know.
RP is not helping me change my bad habit of coming to school late. I've been late for almost an entire week already. Do you know?
I was late almost everyday this week. The only day I was not late was the day I pon school and came after school. I was actually late for Maths but I'm lucky that my faci didn't really notice that I was super late. That's just how late I am. And btw, my class is predicting that I'll confirm be late and will reach class at 8.45am. Yeah, you see. (:
I'm always late. Sigh.



This week has been pretty crazy. With the auditions & me blacking out.
I didn't make it, if that's what you wanted to know. OH well. The competition's just too good. And I know I sucked right from the start. So, what else do you want to know?



And yes, I did black out.
It so happened that I decided to pon cheer training on Wednesday. When I got home, after showering & everything... I just fainted on my bed. Did not even complete my RJ. Gilbert's bound to give me a D or F but do I look like I care? No.
Yeah. Back to the fainting.
I guess it's because I did over work my body for the past few days and yes, I was dehydrated so that's why...
Well, at least... I didn't cough out blood. Even if I did, bet you wouldn't have rushed by my side. Instead you'll just watch as I cough and choke on my own blood and die.
*watches the scene*
Eh, it's actually quite a nice scene. Dying because you choked on your blood.



And then, there was drama.
My name is now Kissmelah Gila. Diva wanted to give me some Anastacia name but I disliked it so he wanted to call me Kisstina Aguilera but I decided to change it to Kissmelah Gila!
Thank you ah Tail Feather Neutron! That's Diva's new name!
Oh gosh, how many names and nicknames do I have? Tsk. Tsk.


My other nickname is neopets. All Ryan's fault. Wth right?


Btw, eyecandy time has been good. We've been progressing well.
Should I do a level up?
I'm not so sure. I'm not ready for anything yet because of you know what.


Speaking of you know what.
I've got a new keyboard because my keyboard is spoiled. And just last year, around this time, we changed the keyboard. Ohhh. Too sad.

We also bought my RHS around this time.

Oh. Yes, time flies doesn't it?




Enough emo time. I can't keep thinking of that. It will consume me soon and I can't let that happen.


Oh! I've completed watching Nightmare on Elm Street. Classic! :D

And DMC, the anime. I couldn't stop laughing like a kuku throughout the entire drama.
And my com has just finished DL-ing X Family episode 46-50! 5 more episodes left now! :D




Happy :D

See that ducky face? Does it remind you of anything?
Of the times we walked from one end to the other and when I'll act cute just because...
You'll never complain but you'll just smile to yourself. That silly smile of yours.




I want to run away. Now. Far far far away.

CUTE right?
Natalie must be puking now. 8DD

Haha. Webcam. Photo taken during uh, enterprise break? :D

Anyway, just to tell you. I'll be busy this week.
There's auditions, drama & a lot of stuff tomorrow.
Cheer on Wednesday.
Thursday, I'm hoping to chill out with the others.
Friday, maybe go home early to sleep away.


I need FBTs!
And I'm gonna get a blazer soon soon soon! :D

The fourth week of school starts tomorrow! I’m still planning out my busy schedule because... I just need to.

Anyway, the third week of school was by far one of the busiest weeks ever. I needed to stay back in school almost every day because of trainings, try-outs and other stuff. Busy busy busy me.

I forgot what I had on Monday already. Sorry for the STM.

I remember I had briefing for replug on Tuesday before meeting the usual four from Savanca. (Sze Him had rehearsals for SYF, Val PS-ed us & as usual Mandy cannot be contacted.)

Wednesday was REXAZ try-outs so I stayed in school until 9pm. This was the highlight of the week. I’ll touch on it later on.

Thursday, Christine, Bronza & I went to KFC where we bumped into Marcus & Kim! Christine & I then went to search for tights, sports bras & shorts. I also met Miro & Eja! Things to smile about! Also, at the end of the day, I met Joyce! Love love love!

Friday, was Soccer trials part one. Tina had to drag me there because last min I decided to not go. Anyway, a super long rant about this one. And, I doubt I’ll go for trials part two after going through stuff like that.

Anyway, let’s talk about the week.

On Monday, it was cognitive & problem solving. It was a good/bad day for me.

· Tina was not in school. No gossip partner

· Reeta’s lesson again! (My favourite faci!)

· I did almost everything today. From contributing ideas to doing the ppt slides to presenting (Nigel kept on listening to his YUI even during class in front of Reeta, Xiao Jie slept and did her own work. Azizah couldn’t help me much because she had a talk during second break. Jenny surprised me because she answered Reeta’s question pretty well but during ppt she wasn’t much help because of communication breakdown and I didn’t want to trouble her)

· There was a huge jam in the entrance because of temperature checking. Troublesome. I was late but that bought me time and gave an excuse to be late

· Oh! I met Ati in the morning. And this is so not related to school.

· I hope I get my A because if I don’t... I’m going to whack myself in the head. It’s a one-man show. You hear me talking throughout the entire lesson. This is whack!

Tuesday was Communications with Uma. I thought she wouldn’t be in class this week but she was in class! WTH?! She said that she would swap with another faci for that day but nooooo. As usual, her lesson was okay.

· She was fucking irritating. Duh, she asked about my thermometer for like 5 times and I had to show her my thermometer each time.

· It felt like the work was only done by me & Tina. (Daphne helped a little. Nigel was still listening to YUI. Xiao Jie was playing Viwawa.)

· I nearly got my A but the entire class was late for presentation so no choice, my grade dropped to B. She said that the whole class, will drop a grade.

· Ryan shot stupid questions again because I shot him a good question and he couldn’t fight back

· I nearly lost my cool in class.

· I was so caught up in the debate with Ryan and I mentioned important facts. And Uma, agreed with me & Bronza.

Wednesday with Gilbert for Enterprise.

· Fuck him.

· Fuck him.

· Fuck him.

· I think if my group lost marks, it is my fault.

· Fir knows about the gossip. He thought it was me but because I like somebody else... He guessed already.

· I hate Gilbert’s smile.

· Fucking cheeseballs. I seriously hope he fucks off.

· I laughed at norming because I was thinking of food.

Thursday was Science. With Eric Xie. (If I remember his name correctly.)

· He’s my second favourite faci

· He’s patient with the class

· He’s quite cute because he’s got this boyish face and a nice smile

· He’s quite lenient and he’s nice

· I did the graph wrongly but it’s alright because we admitted that we weren’t too sure about excel.

· Afiq was saying SL SL SL. And I pointed out that excel and SL are too different things. And Fir & some of the guys joked about it.

· Ryan’s smug face needed a bashing.

· Our RJ was the best ever! :D Describe yourself! How the fuck is that related to Science? Awesome huh?

Friday was Maths. And not with Mr blackface. Our China faci came back.

· Was able to do my maths sum with some of Albert’s help.

· I realised that my maths skills are pretty good.

· Poor Fir kena pinch by me.

· I used my YE skills for the PDT! Thank goodness for YE!

· I could do maths!

Well, that was what I learnt during communication. Look at the structure. I made it less wordy with all those key points and bullets. Would love to add in pictures but I have none now. ):

And if you noticed, I’ve been writing a lot about my class. Hardly been spending time with my midget family this week. For the entire week, I spend time during first break eating and time during my second break, accompanying Bronza, Tina and their friend, Kenneth to go hoo hoo. Christine thought I hoo hoo but nope. I don’t. Never ever tried before.

Let’s talk about Replug briefing.

· Kenneth was MIA that day.

· He wasn’t at either of the briefings. There were two rooms. Afiq & I met Aisyah, Haikal and co at another room. Actually we were at the back, when I told Afiq to move up front because I saw my friends.

· Everyone else in the room was malay. (More than half of the room!)

· I felt nervous

· I think that ABCDEFG was a total asshole. (Not telling you who)

· I had no idea what song to sing.

· I thought I saw somebody from my past at TRCC. (oh shat!)

Thank goodness after the briefing... Ami called and I got her to come to school.

We chatted until it was time to go to Yew Tee to meet the rest. And we saw Ati & her bf. HAHA.

Clique and I talked about everything! Told them about all my IGs and they told me I was mad. I’m not. Ami told me to sing hopelessly devoted to you. I guess that’s the song to sing because I always sing it when I karaoke. Oh & this song... I’m going to sing with emotions because I’ve done it a couple of times before. And I wonder if I can shout the song out because I always do that.

And I feel like ponning school on Tuesday to go K first because... I cannot sing at home. Damn irritating la. When you have auditions, you can’t sing at all. And I doubt they care if I get in or not.

The reason to why I join so many IGs is so obvious. It’s because I don’t want to be around them.

I gave up on trying anything at home already.

Anyway.

Cheer on Wednesday. My parents like don’t even care. My mom is like up to you la. So long as you don’t wear anything that reveals your body. And I’m like. You don’t care at all.

· Cheer was the best thing that happened

· Met a bunch of enthusiastic girls who are extremely friendly.

· Realised that big girls can fly!

· I tried out flying and I realised it was fun.

· Was the tallest girl. (Stupid because I had to do the base and had to stretch my legs really wide)

· My team members are cool. We are the Sha La La Las! Why? Because there are 2 Aishahs & 1 Elisha. Common thing between us are the Shas!

· I used a lot of my muscles & I’m sure that at the end, I’ll be very toned.

· Coach knows Junjie & used to be from Magnum Force.

· Rexaz doesn’t care if you were experienced or inexperienced, they just take you in

· To them, everybody is equal so we can all try out different positions.

· We played Dog & Bone.

- They asked for those who were having menses & I ran forward. (Only girl who ran)

- I dug out the bottle from underneath a girl and threw it back. (She was lying stomach down and I just put my hand below and just dug it out of her.)

I can’t say the same for my soccer try-outs.

I was freaking disappointed with the standard of the team and how the try-outs were conducted.

· There was obviously warm-ups and a couple of games but the damn coach only watched us play a two-sided match

· Right from the start, there was a two-sided match for us

· The experienced ones were kept to a side & the inexperienced ones, when to another corner.

· We were left to decide who plays what position on our own

· The inexperienced girls were not even taught how to kick properly

· Some of us don’t even know where to stand

· Some of us don’t know what the different positions do.

· We were playing against the team.

· We don’t even remember eachother’s names.

· In the first place, we should not even play a two-sided match on the whole soccer field. At least play half.

I’ve never heard of any try outs that straightaway start out with a two-sided match. Usually, try outs start with passing of the balls & how well we kick the ball etc. Where got two sided match one?

I don’t mind a two-sided match but I would prefer half the field first and at least assigning positions instead of anyhow because sometimes, we don’t even know how to play or who to pass to.

And btw, during a two-sided match. It doesn’t really gauge your talent. It’s more like teamwork etc. Especially if you don’t even have a chance to kick the ball during the game.

Overall, the week was okay. Kinda nervous for replug auditions because... I think there’s a lot of talents in RP and I’m just shy. And I feel my voice disappearing. ):

I think it’s time to go K to practice like crazy. :D

But now there’s nowhere to hide since you pushed my love aside.

10个月已经过去了。
Isn't it weird to still be pining for something that doesnt belong to you?
Why can't you run away from the past and move on fast?
It's just too hard

MAY 4th!

ヒロト! お誕生日おめでとうございます！









幸せな24歳の誕生日！




3年以来、私は最初にバンドに耳を傾け＆ファンになりました。バンドをサポートするのは3年と私はまだ今日までは、バンドが大好きです。


多 忙なため、私はあなたとしている少年たちの残りの部分を読んで知っている場合は終了します本当に分からないよ。大変ご迷惑を翻訳しようとしていたので本当 にできるようにお読みいただければ幸いにこのエントリを書いてみませんか？私は過ちをお掛けしてすみません。私は日本語を知らない私は通訳を使った。


私 は実際にはバンドを継続すると私は永遠にあなたをサポートする音楽が大好きです。バンドは私にインスピレーションされているとあなた方には特に。あなたは いつも私のアイドル＆私のお気に入りのギタリストしている。笑顔を作る私の歌を書く。いつ私は悲しいよ、私はいつもあなたの曲を聴くと私は生きて再び感じ る。


私はすぐにシンガポールに来てほしい！ここであなたのファンを見て愛を実行する！いつかは本当なる私のこの夢を見てほしい。今のところ、私はそこまで節約旅行なんだよ！待ちきれないよ！




誕生日おめでとう！ 自分の注意を払ってくださいと一緒に素敵な音楽との書き込みを続行！ 男の子たちの残りの部分に自分の愛をパスして！




あなたを愛している！

P.S 不良言語を使用してすみません。

The webcam is my new best friend.

I've just discovered the existence of webcam and I've only just realised how fucking awesome it is! It's so awesome that I wish I could marry it. I'm only lacking photobooth or else it'll be so cool.

I want a Mac just for photobooth.

Stupid reason. I know.

I'm broke this week. I didnt even save up because I'm hungry like shit.

And despite my recent Mother care clothes. I am not pregnant. No. Not. :D

I feel fat and I just got my period. Today.

After it skipped another month which happens so often that I dont bother anymore. Why should I? I'm a V. It's odd to be pregnant right?

Today was Maths. I can do it but our faci today was shit.

He gave me a black face & he didnt even teach us anything. I could have died.

And suddenly, in class. I'm a maths wizard.

Kelvin is another maths wizard too. He first, me second. *thumbs up sign*

Xiao Jie is shi fu because she read the instructions and taught us about excel. -.-'''

Maths. I'm suddenly so good at calculating especially in class!

Awesome.

Btw, speaking of class. I never realised this until now but my classmate, Bronza is actually taking the same course as I am. The chances of it happening is very slim so who knew.

Oh & I've got my eye candy already.

He's totally bishie material because he's really pretty just like that and today... We were so damn fated can. I love it that we are so damn fated. :D

I've also got an after school eye candy. I meet him on some days & he's got blonde hair. He's totally like an ah beng but that very japanese beng which I loooooove.

Japanese beng ah? Not really la. He's got that hair & the japanese look. I love.

The girls are going. Not again.

Ami is going, finally. She's back to being herself and not staying in the shadow of her stupid broken heart.

Waffles are delicious & you know. I'm feeling happy.

Canoe on Sunday with the class! Xiao Jie's bbq on Saturday!

Eventful can.

And I need to practice and sing and play my instruments just because of you..

I hate it when guys I don't know think I'm hot just because of my race.

It's stupid. Really.

Let's close our eyes and run from here to there.
You & me forever chasing after the bus.
You'll pull my hand & I'll hold on tight.




Met up with my wife on Sunday & went shopping. Us broke people got accesories and I got myself a t-shirt. And unfortunately, for us broke people... Spending has become a problem already.
No money. ):


The days have passed. Don't feel like talking about Monday, so let's skip that.
Science on Tuesday was stupid, skip that too.

Today?
I decided to join wakeboarding & soccer. Although, I think I'll just stick to wakeboarding because I feel like it. Soccer. Soccer. Soccer.
Sigh. Why do you look at me in that way?
Sigh.
Wakeboarding. I choose you.
Still considering Replug because got auditions. Drama? I'm not so sure.
YES IG? Something like YE. Depends.
InVogue. Joining that too.
Sigh, Jap Ig looks fun. Loli. Loli. Loli.
I miss wearing a loli & those days.
Just looking at all those pretty lolis, make me feel awkward & I feel so lost.
Should I? Or not?


Tmr's maths.
I'm not so sure.



The emo bug caught me. Throw me down the drain will u?

It's SUNDAY! :D
There is school again tmr!
I cannot wait!

I love my class. I actually have my own clique in class. We love waffles!♥
Every first break, we'll go down to get the waffles together. Actually, it's pretty obvious who is in our waffles clique.

Then there's the midget time together after school! Together with the other CCC people.


The drama has started. On the first week. *rolls eyes*

I don't want to be involved. I'll be the neutral party because that's what I do best. Until I am forced to be involved, then I'll involve myself. Aii hates disputes. D:


First week has been pretty tiring. I nearly couldn't wake up on Friday & I spent my entire Saturday sleeping. I woke up at 9am. Fell asleep again at 12nn. Woke up at 4pm. Went back to sleep at 10pm.

That's how tiring it is. If this is the first week, I wonder about the other weeks. *sighs*
I'll get used to it.



Anyway, I don't know what to wear next week. So, I'm going shopping with WIFEY today~
Town & Kino.
I have no idea why I'm going to Kino. I just want to look for mags.



BTW
CHINNNNNNNNNNNN~ I saw my A CHORD'S ALBUM! It's selling in Sg! :D
I'll be getting it soon! ♥




So far, I'm feeling alright. I won't die. No. Not just yet.

We passed the fourteenth. You & me. Our hearts no longer together.
I remember what I wrote on that very day & how bad I wanted it to work. Yes, I did. No regrets then. Do I have any now?


I had maths today which was rather cool because I actually like it. It's a first in my life to actually like maths because... I usually hate Maths and I can't stand a minute of it but today... was so different because... I FOR ONCE LOVED IT!


Algebra. Duh.
My favourite. Hello.


Plus I'm pretty close to my team members. Why? I know Kelvin from RC5. He's a fellow Vitagen btw! *thumbs up* Firdaus, I've known for a couple of years through madrasah although I've never ever really spoken to him. Plus, Xiao Jie is from my day one team. So, the only person I'm new to today is Hazwani.


Afiq, Tina, Firdaus, Xiao Jie & I lunched at Causeway Point today because there's no presentation. How awesome is that? Oh, we met some of Fir's & Afiq's friends. They look familiar. I think it is because they live around Choa Chu Kang or something. I should stop this man. Everybody looks familiar to me now. Weirdly.
Oh & as usual, once again... I had to say that my father is Chinese. HAHA.


After school, we CCC people once again slacked at W4. And once again, I spoke Malay. Weird. And I SLAM again. Sigh.........

Oh & I kicked some balls! And accidentally flashed my panties to the whole fucking world.
It's only when one of the guys said, "THEN EVERYONE STARE!" Then I realised. oops. =X
Aiya. Fuck la. Bikini at Sentosa. This is nothing yo. But can see my cellulite la. I don't like. ))):


Something happened this morning. My heart flew. I'm not in love. Sigh, not. Not when some people are so fake. When are they ever going to be real?

I've learnt to be extra careful in choosing because... Of what happened. I get hurt too much. It's not going to happen again. I'll do all I can to stop this from happening.

Haiyaaaaaa.




EMOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
So much for new year's resolution to unemo myself. I can't help it. Can't.


Some CCA fiesta or SLA fiesta thingy next week.

Not joining dance. Fadhil & I planning on joining replug but what can I do? Sing only. I can probably only sing & play guitar which I don't really know how to play. (My guitar got hole sia. NB!) Or what, rap + sing + add other language? HAHA. Aishah is only good at adding other languages. Jap? :D I like.

Touch rugby? I don't mind but I'll be tanned and sweaty which my mom hates. *rolls eyes*

Jap? I like it and I know so much about it because it is my interest but... I want to leave my past behind.

Then join what?????????? ):


If this was NP, I would join NRA without a doubt. Oh & Ambs! :D



You know. If Maths gets fucking boring, I might as well have gone to CEP at NP. Sighhhhhh.



My second school. HAHA! Rubbish.


Its so weird that I keep on walking uphill to W4 and complain.
You imagine if I had gotten into NP's FMS/HMS. I got to walk a lot more right?!
And this is funny. I accidentally called Food Haven, Makan Place. -.-'''
HELLO!!!!!! WEIRD RIGHT?
NP and RP! Makan Place???


Oh & Subway at RP! :D
Not halal! ):
Cookies!



Anyway, I've been lazy for the past few days.
BABY's birthday is coming. I heart him.




Haiyo. I NEED TO SHOP SHOP SHOP LAAAAAA! ):
No clothes.
Ask mummy to buy but all I like she say she dun like. FUCKKKKKKKK

Then today, she say my dress too short & she wants me to wear leggings next time. I don't want la! I like = I wear! HAH! :D
Not indecent what. Cover my butt = okay! :D
*thumbs up*
Where got short????? Actually short la, but then again. Everything is also short on me la. -.-'''
So no diff. And I don't care. HAH!



Might be selling my bomber jacket. ):
Cause it's FUCKING SMALL!




I feel like getting Dr.Martens & dying my hair purple. You like? I like!
Then I feel like getting a blazer, some reptile leggings & some sexy tanks! :D
Awesome right??




Okay. Time to sleep. Past my bedtime already & my parents are nagging.
WHY AH? WHY ARE MY PARENTS SO DIFFERENT FROM ME & MY BROTHER??
I sometimes feel like my brother & I are adopted because of this.
My bro & I are so rebellious & care-free. (I'm very la.)
And we can sleep extremely late & everything but they can't. Sighhhhhhhhh.
Teenagers now.



BTW, Waffles tmr? Set set?? :D


Oh & I've got a new fav song of the moment.
I only heard part of it but after I heard it at home... I kinda cried.
The words bring back memories.




Autumns Monologue

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me
But I'm nothing so good
No, I'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
Where you hold me down, fold me in
Deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights
Where I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn
By you, visions of you then you're gone.
The shock bleeds the red from my face
When I hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't
(x2)


I break in two over you, oh
I break in two over you, over you
I break in two
I would break in two for you
Now you see me
Now you don't
Now you need me
Now you don't






And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

I seriously like my classmates. They're very fun and all but sadly, I'm not in the mood for any of their fun & games.

Down with a high fever. Thought I could get through the day just like that but I guess not.

My temperature is like 39.1 degree & my doctor told me to take an MC but I had to just say no because this is only the first week of school.

I guess I'm wearing my sweater & my hoodie & my jeans & my covered shoes tmr. Plus, bringing a bottle of extremely hot water.


It's cold now. Freaking cold.




Anyway, I'm kinda happy today. (:
Saw ****** today.

I'm in school now.
So far, it's boring & my throat hurts like fuck.
My eyes hurt too and just an hr ago I decided to do remove my eyeliner because one side disappeared already..



So far, I hate it. )":







edit: okay. i actually like my class. :D
they make the pain bearable. and well, thank goodness for that. :D
i just need to get used to life. haha.

Aishah currently wishes she was slimmer & if she could loose 10kg.

She hates the way she looks now because she feels fat.

Her parents don't allow her to not eat anymore & she can't exercise much because she will end up sweating.

She wants liposuction. ):

Ok. thanks. bye

Another meaningless entry

Was I high on drugs or was it beer?
The answer is neither.





I guess the real reason as to why I went crazy and so high was because I needed to let it all out. The stress has been killing me for the past few months. I just needed to let go. Drinking and smoking is a big no no for me and I've decided to stop shedding tears over something so small. So, I guess dancing/singing is the only way out for me. At least it beats being suicidal or losing my sanity. If this is the way to forget, to heal and to smile... Then so be it. I would rather keep my sanity.



When the songs I needed to hear played, I had to stop myself from breaking down. So, I just started putting my heart into screaming those songs out. I can't do the crying anymore. No, I need to face it and not break. I won't be fragile any longer.




Sigh, I've got so many entries like this. All writing about the same thing but in the end, I can't even do anything about it. Tried so many things just to make it work and yet...


I can't even face them without thinking about the past. I can't even look in your eyes without falling apart inside. I grit my teeth and try my best but it is never good enough and I don't even know why! Am I really that emotionally unstable?



I wonder if tomorrow will be different.
Will I move forward or will I sink again?



Nobody knows. I just gotta keep my head held high. And although last night, has made my heart feel lighter, I'm not sure if I can keep going on. But, I gotta try. I got to.

Why can't it be that way it was? Cause you were my homie, lover, and friend

Day 2 of Camp today.

I finally said goodbye to my dream school & have decided that my life here would be just as awesome. Goodbye. Do I really have to say that bloody irritating word? I don't like it. Why should I like it? It's goodbye! ):


Anyway, this post is dedicated to them.
My SLs from Red Camp & my beloved friends from Red Camp especially the Vitagen people.


Hey SLs & fellow campers,

I'll never forget you guys and those three days we spent with one another. (Or for me two.) Those days were fun weren't they? Enjoying the free KFC and delicious food. Meeting new people.

Oh! Did anybody remember Zoukout? Wasn't it a blast? Dancing and ummm.. Grinding.. I remember that we went wild. *looks at Hairul* With some taking off their shirts. Also, there was a part where.... Hehe! *smiles at Ati & the other people who know*

And the Sentosa Outings where I made so many new friends. I wouldn't have met my beloved Cenninchevitans and neither would I have known Mus, Azie and the rest if not for the outings. I'm sure the thing that most of us remember would be the mass dance in the middle of Siloso beach.

How can we forget Mobbers? Dancing outside Taka around Christmas season, promoting NP. I can still remember the weird red guy who suddenly popped up behind me.

The Open House? The final performance, the mass dance all around NP's campus? And how can I forget the camwhore sessions!

These things... I know I will never forget. (:

It saddens me to know that I'm not in NP but hey, RP ain't that bad after all. Oh well.

This is not the end of our friendship. Let's continue communicating with eachother via FB or msn or whatever. Thank you for making such a huge impact in my life.


Love, Aishah!

Today was FOP day 1 but I won't blog on it just yet. I'm too lazy to blog or write anything because I don't have the mood to write.

I'm actually too exhausted and my eyes are hurting because of the contact lenses.


Anyway, this post is very special because it contains an important message to one of my favourite actors/singers in Taiwan. I've mentioned how much I love him before and I will still say it again. I love him a lot.

I know that he is trying to learn English and I apologise because I do not know how to write in Chinese. Therefore, this is all I can do for him.

He's touched my life so much in the past few years.
And this is for him...

To my dearest A CHORD aka Xie He Xian

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE RELEASE OF YOUR ALBUM!
LOVE YOU LOADS! :D

生日快乐，祝贺释放您的相册。我希望这将在新加坡，我希望你会来看望这些天。所有在您的职业生涯最好的！我会永远支持你！








I guess that's all for today..
I'm busy trying to figure out my characters before I write anything more.

I love chilli padi! :D



Anyway, I think 123 and 456 are pretty hot. Haha.
Sheeeeesh. Aishah, back to your old ways again. Well, at least that is better than before.
Psssstttt. Ami, I'll tell you all about it soon.

CAMP! CAMP! CAMP!


One whole week of camp. I still can't believe it.


Okay, so speaking of camps. Yesterday, there was the DCID camp!

I was actually late. No big deal there because you're probably used to the fact that I was late. However, I actually decided to cab over to RP. My cab fare is $15 okay. That's not good. Plus, I was still wondering if my cab driver knew anything about taxis and driving at all.

Me: Republic Poly
Uncle: At Clementi there ah?

My eyes widened in horror. The driver good ah. Want to send me go NP.
When I said Woodlands, he could even ask me how to drive there and which exit to take. -.-'''
He nearly alighted me at Causeway Point, but I directed him to RP.

And the best part was the payment.
When I asked him how much was the total.
He proceeded to press the button on the meter but he deleted the fare.

It was extremely horrifying. He can still press press press some more.
Finally, I decided to pay him $15 because I was already running late. He could ask me if I wanted change?!
Like, hello! You didn't even know how much was the cabfare and yet you want to give me change?! Might as well ask me not to pay you and say that the ride is for FREE!

Okay. Okay.

The cab ride wasn't really that much of a horrifying ordeal, there are people who have probably suffered worse than I have.


Back to Camp.


Nearly got lost & mixed up with the Hospitality people. Lucky, I saw some of the leaders holding a CCC sign.

When I got to the location. Was pretty hard trying to find it mind you.
I was all alone. Duh.

And I just went to anyhow get a seat and made friends with the people sitting around me.
It's pretty easy to talk because the first thing they'll ask is.... About my race!
As if that was hard to guess...
It's usually the first question I'm asked and it's usually some sort of an ice-breaker for me. So yeah. Cool right?


I found out that my course has 120 people. If I heard it correctly, that is.
Also, I need not feel old because a lot of people are the same age as I am!
EIGHTEEN!


Anyway, the leaders are pretty cool. One of them looks pretty familiar though. I don't know why. *shrugs*


There was this introduction of the different IGs (Interest Groups) under CCC.

There's the Student Ambassadors, Write IG, Speak IG, Photo IG, Japanese Cultural IG & the Cheerleading.


I was smsing Ami that I was scared of the Japanese IG because I have my reasons to be. Although, that is the IG that I can be considered quite pro in.
You talking about Cosplay, Loli, Jrock, Visual Kei? Sure can. No problem for me.
OHHH! You know on the powerpoint slides, they showed GAZETTE! :D
Then, people were saying about putting X Japan next time. They should put ALICE NINE or MYV or Gackt.
Okay. Okay. Fangirl here.


I doubt I will join Cheerleading either because...
I can't flip. I'm not light. I feel very uncomfortable with letting people touch my butt or any part of my body. (See. I told you I'm innocent! And SHY!)
The clothes part... Ummm. I think that's not a problem for me but it will be for my parents. After all, judging from what I wear at Sentosa, that covers more of my body.


Student Ambassadors.
Thinking about it. Main reason I feel like joining them is because of NP's Ambassadors. *falls of chair* I want to take part in stuff like Red Camp etc. Wait, RP don't have Red Camp. ))):
Sadly.


Photo IG.
Also another maybe.
It is one of the most happening IGs but.... I've been doing photography for all my life. Secondary school, Photography Club... Plus, I've been in front & behind camera for so long already so I don't know. I want to pick up a new skill other than photography.


Speak IG.
Another maybe.
Speaking in front of a crowd has been no problem for me. Doing presentations and everything.. It's just something I'm so used to because I've been forced to do presentations all the time. Plus, if you were to ask me to speak in front of an audience. I probably would do it without feeling fear anymore...


Write IG.
I guess almost everybody will join this. By the way, the people in my course speaks really good English. It is so different from the usual kind of English back in school. Plus, all of them are fabulous writers. (I think. It makes me ashamed to look at myself.)



If YOU were in my shoes, which would you pick?

Decisions are so hard to make.

Anyway, I totally malu-ed myself by admitting that I think Hafi is hot (compared to other guys I used to know). Somebody asked me if I know him and of course I know him. We were in the same class during lower sec & blah blah blah happened. I didn't admit he is hot. I did not! *continues living in denial*

Okay, so they decided to group us according to our facis.
My faci is Sarah, so I was grouped with Euodia, Elizabeth.
My group! Is cool.
We're somehow a gang because there's one guy we call Lao Da, another we call Da Ge, Da Jie and one guy we call Sister!
I guess we bonded super fast!

Btw, I found out I do know somebody from CID.
One of the leaders happened to be my tuition friend in Mendaki! OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I REMEMBERED! KHAIRUL, our tutor, used to work in RP too! OMGGGGGG!

And...
Well. Syakirah from RC is also in CID.
The other day, I did msn and ask her what course she got into but I went offline. Then, both of us thought we were in diff courses but then... We're in the same course!

Okay. Then, we had lunch and as usual... An introduction to the people in our group.
We had to answer a question anybody asks us and my question is the question I know I will be answering for the rest of my life. The same question over and over again! -.-'''


Okay, then there was some team bonding games. My team under Sarah is team 6.
We were grouped together with Team 5 & 7 (can't rmb)


We had to do a bunch of challenges and we were supposed to do a skipping challenge where we had to skip like this...


Except... We had to fit 15 people and jump together & jump successfully.

So first, some of us had to try & I decided to just go!
It was pretty hard because the rope is long and it was hard trying to get both turners to work together.

Anyway, I went and I jumped 5 times. Non-stop! Good achievement considering I don't do sports! :D

Anyway, when we all did it together. We managed a total of 3! :DDD


Oh. & there was this challenge where we had to over turn the mat. And all of us, 24 ppl had to squeeze!
And. Seriously. The FLH event prepared me for this because I learnt how to balance on my tippy toes & endure squeezing.

And there were lots of other games.


Overall, the day was extremely fun.


Can't wait for Wednesday. (: